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The Telltale Signs: Knowing
When an Elderly Loved One Needs Help
By Coker Day
The need for
home care may come as a result of an illness, injury, hospitalization, or
simply the gradual process of aging. Certainly, there are a great many people
who remain independent at home into their nineties. And although we may
recognize that getting older can diminish us physically, it's still hard to
admit when it does get the better of us - especially when it means the loss of
independence and placing a burden on others.
That's why it is often up
to family members to determine whether their elderly relatives need help at
home. Those who are alert to the signs and signals can not only make it easier
to broach the subject when the time comes, but help avert a crisis by getting
help before one ever occurs.
Just what are the tell tale signs that an
elderly person might need help at home? Here are some general categories to
keep in mind while you determine if a loved one needs assistance. As you do,
please be aware that, although no single sign or symptom necessarily indicates
the need for home care, the accumulation of several almost always adds up to
the need for some type of assistance.
Food and nutrition.
Good nutrition is important at any age. But our senses of taste and
smell diminish with age, and as a result, often make us less interested in
food. If your parent lives alone, chances are she's stopped preparing meals the
way she did when she had a husband or family. Keep an eye on their eating
habits and check the refrigerator and pantry periodically: first, to make sure
there's fresh, nutritious food around and, second, to look for items that may
have spoiled. The elderly often have a higher-than-average amount of spoiled
food and staples that have overstayed their welcome.
Personal
grooming/hygiene.
One of the most obvious signs of deterioration is
poor hygiene: dressing sloppily; bathing infrequently; the men don't shave and
the women don't get their hair done as often as they used to. This often
happens after the loss of a spouse and as a result of one's circle of friends
shrinking as the years pass. Poor hygiene can also be a symptom of a deeper,
more serious problem: chronic depression. Lack of interest in grooming could
mean they're become more isolated from friends and family, which can be
detrimental to both their physical and emotional well-being.
Housekeeping/home maintenance.
Many people are surprised to
find their once-fastidious mothers leaving dishes piled high in the kitchen
sink and dust collecting on the furniture. Likewise, their fathers may ignore
or delay important maintenance and repair items they used to do themselves.
Visit your loved ones often enough to check on housekeeping and general
maintenance. It may be worth an ounce of prevention that pays long term
dividends: for example, replacing a spotlight that prevents a fall.
Mail//financial matters.
As we get older, it becomes harder
for our eyes to read bills and our hands to write checks. What's more, the
elderly seem to grow increasingly confused by various billing practices and
other complex financial matters as they age. If you see unopened mail lying
around and bills that are late and unpaid, it could be a sign that your parent
is starting to lose control over finances and other personal matters.
Problems with memory/general confusion..
As we age, our
short-term memory becomes duller, while our long-term memory becomes sharper.
People like to joke about it, but poor memory can lead to more serious
problems, such as forgotten medications, leaving the stove on, and general
confusion when outside the home in the community.
Problems with
mobility, balance.
For a variety of reasons, many elderly people may
find it difficult to walk or even stand without assistance, resulting in
frequent falls. If this is happening to your loved one, have a doctor conducts
a thorough examination to see if the balance problem is due to dizziness from
medication, for example. Also, check the house for obstacles, loose rugs, bad
lighting, etc. that may exacerbate the problem.
Unsafe or erratic
driving.
The universal symbol of independence for so many of us - the
car - is something the elderly will try to hang on to "for dear life," no
matter how many mishaps or near misses they may have. If you notice a lot of
dents and dings on their car (from hitting others in parking lots, e.g.),
that's a sign that someone's having trouble. To be sure, our reflexes and
eyesight diminish with age, but they shouldn't be allowed to continue to drive
if they are a danger to themselves and to others. Talk about it frankly and
explore transportation alternatives in your community. Many home care
companies, such as ours, offer transportation as one of many standard services.
Behavioral changes.
As we age, it's natural to lose interest
in some of the things we did when you were younger. And it can also bring with
it wide mood swings, along with sadness over the loss of peers. Though feeling
sad is a normal part of the grieving process, it shouldn't develop into a
chronic lack of interest in life or anti-social behavior. So if your elderly
family member starts to exhibit wildly uncharacteristic behavior and wide mood
swings that persist, you may want to seek professional help.
Of course,
there are other ways the elderly can make their needs known. Some come right
out and tell us! Or if they don't like to burden others, they may drop subtle
hints in conversation, while talking about a problem they were wrestling with,
or repeatedly complaining about a particular issue.
In most cases, the
best way to tackle the subject of assisted living at home is usually to be open
and honest with your elderly family members. If there are disagreements over
whether they need help, you can always bring in a doctor to do an assessment
and help you decide on the best course of action that will result in keeping
your loved one as happy and independent as possible.
Coker Day is
founder and president of DayBreak Adult Care Services Inc., an in-home care
services company serving the Midlands and Lowcountry with offices in Lexington
and Charleston, S.C. |
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