The Telltale Signs: Knowing When an Elderly
Loved One Needs Help By Coker Day
The need for home care may
come as a result of an illness, injury, hospitalization, or simply the gradual
process of aging. Certainly, there are a great many people who remain
independent at home into their nineties. And although we may recognize that
getting older can diminish us physically, it's still hard to admit when it does
get the better of us - especially when it means the loss of independence and
placing a burden on others.
That's why it is often up to family members
to determine whether their elderly relatives need help at home. Those who are
alert to the signs and signals can not only make it easier to broach the
subject when the time comes, but help avert a crisis by getting help before one
ever occurs.
Just what are the tell tale signs that an elderly person
might need help at home? Here are some general categories to keep in mind while
you determine if a loved one needs assistance. As you do, please be aware that,
although no single sign or symptom necessarily indicates the need for home
care, the accumulation of several almost always adds up to the need for some
type of assistance.
Food and nutrition. Good nutrition is
important at any age. But our senses of taste and smell diminish with age, and
as a result, often make us less interested in food. If your parent lives alone,
chances are she's stopped preparing meals the way she did when she had a
husband or family. Keep an eye on their eating habits and check the
refrigerator and pantry periodically: first, to make sure there's fresh,
nutritious food around and, second, to look for items that may have spoiled.
The elderly often have a higher-than-average amount of spoiled food and staples
that have overstayed their welcome.
Personal grooming/hygiene.
One of the most obvious signs of deterioration is poor hygiene:
dressing sloppily; bathing infrequently; the men don't shave and the women
don't get their hair done as often as they used to. This often happens after
the loss of a spouse and as a result of one's circle of friends shrinking as
the years pass. Poor hygiene can also be a symptom of a deeper, more serious
problem: chronic depression. Lack of interest in grooming could mean they're
become more isolated from friends and family, which can be detrimental to both
their physical and emotional well-being.
Housekeeping/home
maintenance. Many people are surprised to find their once-fastidious
mothers leaving dishes piled high in the kitchen sink and dust collecting on
the furniture. Likewise, their fathers may ignore or delay important
maintenance and repair items they used to do themselves. Visit your loved ones
often enough to check on housekeeping and general maintenance. It may be worth
an ounce of prevention that pays long term dividends: for example, replacing a
spotlight that prevents a fall.
Mail//financial matters. As
we get older, it becomes harder for our eyes to read bills and our hands to
write checks. What's more, the elderly seem to grow increasingly confused by
various billing practices and other complex financial matters as they age. If
you see unopened mail lying around and bills that are late and unpaid, it could
be a sign that your parent is starting to lose control over finances and other
personal matters.
Problems with memory/general confusion..
As we age, our short-term memory becomes duller, while our long-term
memory becomes sharper. People like to joke about it, but poor memory can lead
to more serious problems, such as forgotten medications, leaving the stove on,
and general confusion when outside the home in the community.
Problems with mobility, balance. For a variety of reasons,
many elderly people may find it difficult to walk or even stand without
assistance, resulting in frequent falls. If this is happening to your loved
one, have a doctor conducts a thorough examination to see if the balance
problem is due to dizziness from medication, for example. Also, check the house
for obstacles, loose rugs, bad lighting, etc. that may exacerbate the problem.
Unsafe or erratic driving. The universal symbol of
independence for so many of us - the car - is something the elderly will try to
hang on to "for dear life," no matter how many mishaps or near misses they may
have. If you notice a lot of dents and dings on their car (from hitting others
in parking lots, e.g.), that's a sign that someone's having trouble. To be
sure, our reflexes and eyesight diminish with age, but they shouldn't be
allowed to continue to drive if they are a danger to themselves and to others.
Talk about it frankly and explore transportation alternatives in your
community. Many home care companies, such as ours, offer transportation as one
of many standard services.
Behavioral changes. As we age,
it's natural to lose interest in some of the things we did when you were
younger. And it can also bring with it wide mood swings, along with sadness
over the loss of peers. Though feeling sad is a normal part of the grieving
process, it shouldn't develop into a chronic lack of interest in life or
anti-social behavior. So if your elderly family member starts to exhibit wildly
uncharacteristic behavior and wide mood swings that persist, you may want to
seek professional help.
Of course, there are other ways the elderly can
make their needs known. Some come right out and tell us! Or if they don't like
to burden others, they may drop subtle hints in conversation, while talking
about a problem they were wrestling with, or repeatedly complaining about a
particular issue.
In most cases, the best way to tackle the subject of
assisted living at home is usually to be open and honest with your elderly
family members. If there are disagreements over whether they need help, you can
always bring in a doctor to do an assessment and help you decide on the best
course of action that will result in keeping your loved one as happy and
independent as possible.
Coker Day is founder and president of
DayBreak Adult Care Services Inc., an in-home care services company with
offices in Lexington SC and Aiken, SC.
